I Hate Pregnancy

Four reasons why I really struggled through two pregnancies

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If you’re just joining For Stitch & Giggles, I’d love for you to read my postpartum story. Here’s Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, and Part 4. I write this newsletter for pregnant and postpartum moms everywhere. You’re not alone.

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Welcome to my honest rant about pregnancy. I know many of you moms were pregnancy unicorns and loved every second of it. I am not here to change that for you. In fact, I wish I had been a pregnancy unicorn. For all you who loved pregnancy, I am truly happy for you. I’m also not downplaying the blessing and gift I had being able to have biological children myself. I know many women personally who haven’t had that chance, and I am grateful. But pregnancy is also really tough.

This one’s for the moms who woke up every day during their pregnancy, thinking, “Great another freaking day pregnant” before they started the crossfit workout of trying to roll out of bed. This one’s for those of you who cried in the bathroom at work because you felt nauseous and sick but had to keep going. This one’s for the moms of multiples who somehow had to be the mom their toddler needed while feeling like you’ve been run over by a train.

Welcome to my unhinged review. Four reasons why I hated pregnancy.

A very rare photo of me during my first pregnancy. Who would design a maternity top with horizontal stripes??

Reason #1: My Particular Slice of Torture

I had an issue during both my pregnancies that you probably didn’t have. It added to my daily agony. But about 12 weeks into my first pregnancy, I was helping my husband set up our Christmas tree. I was squatting and lifting and contorting myself into weird shapes to try to fix all the lights that had gone out. While I was doing this, I felt a stretch in my right hip. It hurt, but not terribly. I used to be a runner, so I figured it was just a muscle that hadn’t been used in a while.

But in the days following, the pain became intense. It was a constant dull pain that spiked every few days into just pure agony. No ice or heat could reach it. It was a deep pain in my hip joint. And because pregnant women are unable to take ibuprofen or any real pain relievers (Tylenol is worthless to me), I could never get any relief. I talked to my doctor numerous times. But they couldn’t scan the hip joint while I was pregnant.

I tried PT. I tried stretches. I tried everything.

They believe I tore a ligament in my hip joint. (From setting up a Christmas tree, yeah, I know.) A woman’s hips loosen and start expanding at around 12 weeks. So I was doing too much exertion when my body was trying to figure out pregnancy. And because my hip joint was expanded, the torn ligament couldn’t heal until the joint went back to normal…after pregnancy.

So this is reason #1 I hate pregnancy. The moment my son was born, I was able to walk out of the hospital with no pain in my hip. It is crazy.

When I got pregnant with my daughter, I didn’t think I needed to worry about my hip. Surely it had healed on its own in three years.

False.

It did not.

I went through round 2.

Reason #2: The Deepest Kind of Exhaustion

There is no tired like pregnancy tired. And I’m here as a mom of two littles trying to work full-time while building two different side gigs. (I’m insane, yes.) But I still hold to that. There is no tired like pregnancy tired.

With my first, I was spoiled. I was able to get home from work, fall into bed, and sleep until I decided to get up to eat dinner, and then go back to bed. With my second, I stumbled in the door from work to a needy toddler who needed his mommy’s attention. It took all the inner strength I had to get through each day and make it to bedtime, when I could put him down and then immediately go to bed myself. During the first and third trimesters of my second pregnancy, I barely spoke to my husband. I had nothing left to give him. Work and my child demanded everything I had.

I journaled a prayer at one point. “Please just give me the strength to get through this one day.” And that’s the prayer I prayed every morning for months. So yeah, the utter exhaustion is reason #2 why I did not enjoy pregnancy.

Reason #3: Acid Reflux

Guys. I had no idea how bad acid reflux really is. I had never struggled with it before pregnancy. But it was the absolute worst. I had it with both my pregnancies but definitely more with my first. Everything gave me reflux. Drinking water gave me reflux. Eating a bite of anything gave me reflux. Breathing gave me reflux.

The first and third trimesters were the worst for reflux. I tried eating standing up. I tried taking a short walk after a meal. I tried eating teenie meals multiple times a day. I tried Tums, then Pepcid, then Prilosec. Then a prescription-grade medication. Nothing worked.

Lying on my side made it worse. You know what you can’t do when you’re pregnant? Sleep on your back.

The only thing that did not give me acid reflux was ice cream. So, yeah. Kristin went a little nuts on the ice cream for both pregnancies. Eating ice cream every night was a brief respite, but the acid reflux is a solid reason #3 why pregnancy sucked.

Two weeks before I gave birth to my second

Reason #4: My Own Insecurities

Pregnancy tested my confidence in a way that nothing else has. I am going to write more pregnancy-focused articles every once in awhile. And I’m going to devote a whole article to self image during pregnancy. But I’ll say this now. I really struggled with the weight gain in pregnancy. And I think it’s ok to admit that.

I struggled with an eating disorder in college, so I knew going in that the pregnancy weight gain was going to be hard for me. When I went in for my first pregnancy appointment, I decided right then that I was never going to look at the scale when they weighed me. And I stuck to that for both pregnancies.

To this day, I have no idea how much weight I gained with either of my pregnancies, and I’m really glad about that.

But I was not one of those moms who are “all baby” when they’re pregnant. I was “baby+.” Both my babies were big. I looked full-term at 6 months with both of them. So I had to endure constant comments from family and friends and complete strangers. Here are just a few:

“Are you sure you’re not having twins?”

“Wow, you look ready to pop at any moment!”

“Oh it must be a boy. I gained weight the same way with my son.”

“You know it’s the ice cream, right? You need to stop eating sugar, and you won’t get so big.”

“Wow, you look just like my wife did when she was pregnant with twins. The baby must be huge.”

I wish I was making this up. But each of these are 100% true.

I got to a really bad place with my first pregnancy. I couldn’t look in the mirror at my swollen face. I didn’t want to leave the house because I thought everyone was judging my weight gain. So if you’re pregnant and feeling the same, I see you. And you’re the most beautiful you’ve ever been. Because you are a warrior for what your body is doing to grow that baby. Do not let anyone make you feel less worthy.

Pregnancy tested my self esteem in a big way, and that’s why this is reason #4 for why I didn’t like pregnancy. But I’m also really grateful for the challenges with self image because I learned to give myself grace and love myself through it all.

Two Reasons Why I Loved Pregnancy

I’m ending on a positive. There are two very important reasons why I loved pregnancy. And those two reasons are Jude and Charlotte. The journey to bring them into this world was not fun. I suffered and struggled and whined and complained for months. (And I fully stand by the truth that pregnant women are allowed to complain as MUCH as they want and need to.) I hated the journey, but love the result.

My two reasons

I’m not sure I ever want to do it again, but I think all moms prove their love and devotion to their children before they ever meet them. Pregnancy is a testing ground for the unconditional, deep love moms have for their kids. I wouldn’t trade either pregnancy for the world.

You’re such an amazing mom for the struggle you’re enduring on behalf of your babies. I think you’re incredible. The struggle is real. The pain is valid. The exhaustion is so hard. But I know you’re going to do it.

Because you’re a mom. And that’s what we do. We keep going.

Do me a favor. Forward or share this with a pregnant mom in your life. It may be just the thing she needs to feel validated and seen today.

Struggling during pregnancy? Message me directly. Happy to talk and be an encouraging friend!